your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
