Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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