Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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