i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
