My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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