Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
