So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
