I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
