He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
