And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
