your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
