barbara walters just said penis...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
