just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
