My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So. Much. Porn.
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