I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
