3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
