I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.