He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating