...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.