I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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