you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
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When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
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It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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