I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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