you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
