I am puke
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
