Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize