He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
