After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
