i permit you to call me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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