More tranny stories later!
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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