Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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