I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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