her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
