I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
