If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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