I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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