I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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