I faked an abortion last night.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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