The best revenge is premature balding
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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