official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
