so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
