I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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