the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
