By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
