Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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