Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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