so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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