I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
