Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
