Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
