final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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