i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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