how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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