Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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