he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
