wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
