woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize