My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
