So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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