Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
