My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
