yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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