Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
