My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
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I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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