I cockslap morals
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
