I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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