the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize