You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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