if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
