had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
