At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
