Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
