Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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