first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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