Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The best revenge is premature balding
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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