So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
