I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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