Got a toothbrush?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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