Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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