flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
