My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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