He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
